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Sabrina Gauer

Faith, Life & The Journey

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Fear and Faith

“Jesus said, ‘Don’t be afraid; only believe.'” – Mark 5:36

I learned very quickly in this cancer journey round two that Google is my medical enemy.

The moment I was rediagnosed, I went on a mad search for doctors, holistic cures, and stories of hope. But what I found was a rabbit hole that sucked me deeper and deeper into despair.

Five-year survival rate from first diagnosis. High mortality. Many have tried…few (if any??) have succeeded in living beyond the five years without major risks and complications that came from the “only option” of surgeries, chemo, and radiation.

One late afternoon in early May of this year, before I knew what my plan would be or who would work with me from a medical perspective, I was laying in the hyperbaric oxygen chamber, anxiously waiting for my PET scan results, and doing another frantic search for answers on my phone. When I came out of the chamber, I was so overwhelmed by everything I had read that I could hardly process all the “bad news”.

Continue reading “Fear and Faith”

Honesty and Grace

“Oh my soul, bless God. From head to toe, I’ll bless his holy name!
Oh my soul, bless Goddon’t forget a single blessing! He forgives your sins—every one. He heals your diseases—every one. He redeems you from hell—saves your life! He crowns you with love and mercy—a paradise crown. He wraps you in goodness—beauty eternal. He renews your youth—you’re always young in His presence.” — Psalm 103:1-5 (the Message)

 

Part of my desire to share my journey with friends and strangers alike is to be as real as humanly possible in the social media realm.

Social media is all about showing the best sides of ourselves, in the best lighting, through the perfect filter, and falling into the trap of wanting a life that truly isn’t reality. So today, I wanted to write a raw post about how I’ve been doing emotionally as well as physically.

Fighting cancer in general is hard. But fighting cancer naturally/alternatively has taken me to a whole new level of difficulty. I’m so new to being 100% in with holistic healing and wellness. This might be my second round with cancer, but to look myself in the eye every morning in the bathroom mirror and promise to not give up, no matter how much excruciating pain I’m in, really takes courage.

And I don’t always feel particularly courageous.

It’s making the decision (sometimes moment by moment) to put all my faith and trust in the Ultimate Healer.

When my veins don’t want to cooperate for treatment, when I’m having trouble sleeping, when I have to cancel plans AGAIN with friends because I’m feeling too exhausted or in pain to hang out, when I’m overwhelmed by all the emotions that come with being almost 30 years old and trying not to be envious of those around me who are doing life the “normal” way — starting families, buying homes, changing jobs, moving, etc. — I have to remind myself that everyone has something they’re dealing with. Maybe it’s not cancer, but every single person on the planet has something they’re working through, healing from, or struggling with. Their life is not my life, and I’m only equipped to handle my own.

And that’s okay.

I need to have grace with myself on the daily to accept where God has me right now, acknowledge the emotions and then let them go, and trust that the bigger picture will make so much more sense than the current view. Doesn’t mean I have to LOVE what’s happening at the moment, but I can accept it and work through it.

I am thankful for the network of support I’ve been blessed with. I am surrounded by some of the most incredible people who believe in what I’m doing and give me space to make the decisions I’m at peace with and what I feel is best for me and my body. It’s a longer journey than I expected (more on that later), but a necessary one, and I couldn’t do any of this alone.

A few weeks ago, I recorded a video to update everyone, what I’m doing for treatment, and giving a shoutout to those who have donated to help me continue to fight this naturally. If you are one of those people, THANK YOU. From the bottom of my heart. And if you feel led, here’s a link to the GoFundMe page that my wonderful friend and cancer-survivor sister, Katie Warren, created to help off-set the expenses of treatment and travel ❤

 

 

 

When It’s Better To Be Uprooted

“Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.” –  Colossians 2:7

I winced a bit as I gingerly wiggled the plant in its temporary potted situation. I needed it to come loose and put it in its new home — a spacious terra cotta. But this guy was adamant about staying packed into a makeshift home I had put him in last year after he fell off the windowsill (I’m trying to help you, buddy!!).

The job of replanting ended up requiring a butter knife, losing a few stems, and a big mess of roots and dirt before I was able to successfully dislodge him from his temporary housing into his more permanent (and much more comfortable!) place of growth.

And then I started thinking about life and how, as humans, we like what we know. We get comfortable, even when the place of “comfort” might not be what’s best for us. We are firmly wedged into our routines, schedules, families, friends, etc.

But what if uprooting is what’s best? What if there’s a BETTER place of promise beyond what we can see from our stubborn hold on what we think our lives should be?

Continue reading “When It’s Better To Be Uprooted”

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