Sabrina Gauer

Faith, Life & The Journey



The Empty Stage

“I will praise you, Lord my God, with all my heart;                                                                                        I will glorify Your name forever.” – Psalm 86:12


If you could do anything in this life, beyond what you think is “possible”, what would it be?

I used to answer that question with, “Become a famous music artist, travel, and play shows.” That was literally all I wanted to do.

The thrill of the stage, the lights, and the pounding of the music. Having people in the crowd below you shouting your lyrics and being moved by what you created. It’s adrenaline-inducing and addicting. To be known as your music and identified with your ability and praised for it.

And then, life shifts that perspective.

In the grand scheme of things, music will always be a part of who I am. But it’s not my identity. I needed to learn that when I faced my surgery and recovering in the months after. That need to be known as my ability was washed away, replaced with a new identity — my worth in Christ.

Continue reading “The Empty Stage”

The Credibility of Being Different

“Not everyone will understand your journey. That’s okay. You’re here to live your life, not to make everyone understand.” – Anonymous

There’s something so interesting about swimming upstream. Especially in the face of chronic illness, cancer, and disease. It’s a difficult hill to climb, with very few who are willing to hear you out or believe in your journey when you choose something different for your body, treatment plan, and healing.

My story is no less credible just because it’s different.

Initially, I had written this post from a place of anger and justification. It’s exhausting when you’re passionate about something so personal, but feeling the need to give yourself credibility to those who should know better. Finally, I came to the point where I needed to just let it go.

My story is no less credible just because I chose differently. 

I used to be known as a singer/songwriter and worship leader. These days, I’m usually known as the stage IV cancer survivor who healed naturally. I’ll admit, the labels are hard sometimes. But I also know the intentional path that God has led me down, with health coaching and holistic treatment and research. Others may joke about it, pat me on the head as if I’m somehow less of a cancer patient because of what I decided for myself, or brush off my personal experience with a shrug. But I don’t need to justify myself to anyone.

My story is no less credible just because I am different.

God is using me in ways I couldn’t even begin to fathom prior to cancer. The amount of people I talk to DAILY who are searching for answers, the rise of AYA (adolescent and young adult) cancers, the dreams God’s putting on my heart for the future…

Yes, I’m a different person than I was two years ago. Two years ago, I was still sure my place was in full-time ministry within the four walls of the church. I was broken, feeling that my dreams had come to halt with circumstances I was facing at that time, dealing poorly with stress, and fighting through the pain and anxiety of trying to be someone I wasn’t, but who everyone kept telling me I should be.

And now? I wish I could wrap that girl up in a hug and tell her to hang on tight because the curveball was about to hit her straight between the eyes and change everything forever.

I am proud of who I’ve become through all of this, and I’m waiting on my God-given future with hope-filled expectancy. I know that my passions and dreams are deeply rooted with a Divine purpose, and the things that used to seem so important have become so small in comparison to this journey. Full-time ministry, as a follower of Christ, means you are called to serve WHEREVER you are; not just on Sundays or being employed by a church. Worship is how you live your life; not the music that you hear on a Sunday morning or throw on your Spotify account every now and then.

How I am choosing to live my life is distinctly MY CHOICE. I am no longer afraid to say no, to set boundaries, to stand up for myself, and to be my best advocate. Whether it’s my mind, my heart, or my body — down to the very cells that make up my being — I am making these decisions through prayer, personal experience, and trust that God knows exactly what He’s doing, even if I’ve had to walk through some horrific and dark moments to find the light on the other side.

And if I have credibility with Him, then that is all that truly matters.

2016: In Review

“Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?
I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.” – Isaiah 40:19

2016 has been a year of so many new beginnings and complete endings.

Looking back on everything, it’s almost a blur of puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly, while others are floating around, still waiting to be connected. And now, with the last week of December almost at a close, I’m reflecting on it all and excitedly peeking into the new year with anticipation.

In the past year:

  • I stepped down from full-time ministry as a career, and have watched God open doors to ministry every day as a way of life
  • Pursued my health and healing through total mind/body/spirit change
  • Discovered so much about myself and about the God I serve- grace and truth above all
  • Was declared stage IV cancer-free by disbelieving doctors after my October PET scan, but more importantly, heard from God in February that “It is FINISHED” and trusted Him through the process of healing my body through alternative medicine and changing my lifestyle to clean eating, essential oils as medicine (and I love to share and educate about them, so contact me for information!), other alternative methods, and true self-care; He is truely faithful to His promises, and loving toward all He has made! (Ps. 145:13) 
  • Began my health coaching certification in September- I will be a certified health coach through the Institute for Integrative Nutrition® and taking clients in 2017! So exciting!
  • Said goodbye to Titan, our family dog for 14 long and happy years 😦
  • Moved from my one bedroom apartment of three years to a cute little home with my sister
  • Got involved with 13thirty Cancer Connect and First Descents; making great friendships and connecting with others who have experienced the same challenges
  • Traveled to Punta Cana, Montana, and Manchester-by-the-Sea (outside of Boston)- hitting my goal of at least two new places a year!
  • Stepped outside of my comfort zone more than a few times (such as whitewater kayaking- WHAT), and watched the amazing changes that happened in myself as a result!

    Lunch break by the river during FD1 Tarkio in August!
    Lunch break by the river during FD1 Tarkio in August!
  • Dreamed big dreams– and set some awesome things in motion that will be revealed in the next few months. The site is still under construction, but keep an eye on updates about Going Rogue Collective!
  • Working at a juice bar and helping others to discover health and healing through real nutrition
  • Saw God work in and bless my family in HUGE ways
  • Pushed my writing to expand its reach, and was published in Cottage Hill Magazine this past November!
  • Experienced the full circle of relationships, both friendship and romantic; seeing how God removed the toxic and strengthened the life-giving. I am so incredibly grateful for the people in my life who are still standing with me.
  • Played a few shows and got back into music and leading worship; an absolute miracle after my surgery
  • Mourned and rejoiced with loved ones who saw amazing blessings this year and experienced hard losses

And a million more things.

It’s been an incredible journey. If I can leave you with anything in this final blog post of 2016, it’s this: Trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart, and don’t rely on yourself to figure it all out or to understand. Commit it all to Him. He will make your paths straight, your footing sure, and your plans succeed when they are fully surrendered to Him. You have no idea what He’s up to for His glory and your good. I’m not going to say that I’ve got it all figured out perfectly, because that’s a big fat lie. But I can’t deny His power and how I’ve seen Him work this year.

Here’s to a new year. Here’s to the crazy awesome ways that God is going to keep working and being faithful. Here’s to new adventures. Here’s to friendship and love. Here’s to the unexpected and the dreams. Here’s to lessons learned and character built.

Here’s to you, 2017. Let’s do this.

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