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Sabrina Gauer

Faith, Life & The Journey

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Mercy

Fear and Faith

“Jesus said, ‘Don’t be afraid; only believe.'” – Mark 5:36

I learned very quickly in this cancer journey round two that Google is my medical enemy.

The moment I was rediagnosed, I went on a mad search for doctors, holistic cures, and stories of hope. But what I found was a rabbit hole that sucked me deeper and deeper into despair.

Five-year survival rate from first diagnosis. High mortality. Many have tried…few (if any??) have succeeded in living beyond the five years without major risks and complications that came from the “only option” of surgeries, chemo, and radiation.

One late afternoon in early May of this year, before I knew what my plan would be or who would work with me from a medical perspective, I was laying in the hyperbaric oxygen chamber, anxiously waiting for my PET scan results, and doing another frantic search for answers on my phone. When I came out of the chamber, I was so overwhelmed by everything I had read that I could hardly process all the “bad news”.

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When It’s Better To Be Uprooted

“Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.” –  Colossians 2:7

I winced a bit as I gingerly wiggled the plant in its temporary potted situation. I needed it to come loose and put it in its new home — a spacious terra cotta. But this guy was adamant about staying packed into a makeshift home I had put him in last year after he fell off the windowsill (I’m trying to help you, buddy!!).

The job of replanting ended up requiring a butter knife, losing a few stems, and a big mess of roots and dirt before I was able to successfully dislodge him from his temporary housing into his more permanent (and much more comfortable!) place of growth.

And then I started thinking about life and how, as humans, we like what we know. We get comfortable, even when the place of “comfort” might not be what’s best for us. We are firmly wedged into our routines, schedules, families, friends, etc.

But what if uprooting is what’s best? What if there’s a BETTER place of promise beyond what we can see from our stubborn hold on what we think our lives should be?

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Fighting with Figs

“Go back and tell Hezekiah, the leader of my people, ‘This is what the LORD God of your ancestor David says: I have heard your prayer; I have seen your tears. Look, I will heal youI will deliver you and this city from the hand of the king of Assyria…Then Isaiah said, “Bring a lump of pressed figs.” So they brought it and applied it to his infected skin, and he recovered.” – 2 Kings 20:4-7

 

King Hezekiah was sick. He was going to die. He had an enemy army coming to capture his city, and he was out of options. But through the fear, pain, and anguish, he faithfully turned to God.

And God not only told Hezekiah He was going to heal him, but He also gave the king the tools to do so — in this particular case, using figs to heal whatever the wound was that Hezekiah had, which could definitely be cancer since figs are very high in cancer-fighting properties!

I find myself once again searching for options better than what my current surgical oncologist is pressing to do; preventative, invasive reconstructive surgery followed by multiple rounds of radiation. Because I’m “young” and still have my “whole life to live”…as if there would be much quality of life after losing yet another half of my tongue, enduring that hellish surgery for the second time (and this time, so much worse), and recovering mentality, physically, spiritually…

No, thank you.

Continue reading “Fighting with Figs”

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