Sabrina Gauer

Faith, Life & The Journey


Flexible Faith

Fear and Faith

“Jesus said, ‘Don’t be afraid; only believe.'” – Mark 5:36

I learned very quickly in this cancer journey round two that Google is my medical enemy.

The moment I was rediagnosed, I went on a mad search for doctors, holistic cures, and stories of hope. But what I found was a rabbit hole that sucked me deeper and deeper into despair.

Five-year survival rate from first diagnosis. High mortality. Many have tried…few (if any??) have succeeded in living beyond the five years without major risks and complications that came from the “only option” of surgeries, chemo, and radiation.

One late afternoon in early May of this year, before I knew what my plan would be or who would work with me from a medical perspective, I was laying in the hyperbaric oxygen chamber, anxiously waiting for my PET scan results, and doing another frantic search for answers on my phone. When I came out of the chamber, I was so overwhelmed by everything I had read that I could hardly process all the “bad news”.

Continue reading “Fear and Faith”

Flexible Routine

“God is not man, that He should lie, or a son of man, that He should change his mind. Has He said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not fulfill it?” – Numbers 23:19 (ESV)

I have a really tough time with change.

As exciting as life can be sometimes with all of the different things that happen in our stories, it doesn’t mean it’s always smooth transitions into each new thing. And the only absolutely certain thing about life is that it WILL change.

For someone who has had a lot of change in her life, I’m still not 100% okay with it. Flexibility has never been a strength of mine; I’m a detail-oriented, punctual, high expectations type of person. And when plans switch up on me unexpectedly, or my carefully plotted out list isn’t checked off correctly, something inside of me literally feels uncomfortable.

Change can be scary. It induces anxiety and stress when I don’t feel in control. And even if I feel I’ve already learned to accept change as a normal, regular part of life – it still catches me by surprise and off-guard every time.

Lately, there’s been a lot of change in my life. Things have been coming at me in ways I never expected, and it’s all GOOD! But it’s a change to my routine, and I quickly slip into that space again where I’m trying to juggle all the pieces without taking a breath in between.

Here is a truth I’ve discovered: every season of life requires a new commitment to flexibility and trust. Whatever routine and schedule I had worked out for the last season doesn’t always work in the present circumstances.

And it’s all okay. It’s all just a part of the process.

God’s plan for our lives, if we let Him take control, is filled with hope, a sure future, and to prosper. If we trust that plan, and allow the change to grow us to become more like Jesus Christ in how we respond and act, then we are promised that “all things will work together for good” for those who love Him and keep His commandments! (Romans 8:28)

I’m still going to get frustrated sometimes when I’m in that “not yet” place. I’m still going to feel thrown off my game when the path changes to a sharp left before I was ready to take it. But He already knows where I’m going – He’s already gone there before me and made a way before I realized I needed it. “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.” (Psalm 43:5) And that promise of a hope and a future is assurance that I don’t have to figure it out on my own. I just need to keep moving forward in faith.



Walk This Way

“…your time of tears is over. Cry for help and you’ll find it’s grace and more grace. The moment he hears, he’ll answer. Just as the Master kept you alive during the hard times, he’ll keep your teacher alive and present among you. Your teacher will be right there, local and on the job, urging you on whenever you wander left or right: “This is the right road. Walk down this road.”  – Isaiah 30:19-21 (MSG)

Listen; God answers prayer.

That’s not just a feel-good saying or a wish to throw up at the sky when we’re feeling helpless. Time and time again, scripture is full of God coming through in mighty and powerful ways for those who trust Him; right on time, every single time.

And if examples in history aren’t enough, I have experienced His goodness and mercy over and over again in my personal story. So I can say with absolute certainty: God answers prayer.

There is nothing too great for Him. Nothing is impossible for Him to accomplish. But sometimes I think that maybe we are brought to the very edge of ourselves and our humanness in order for Him to prove His faithfulness and our reliance on Him. If the Holy Spirit is guiding us, we have that clear, still, small voice inside that says, “This is the way, walk in it.” And we have to take those steps in faith, believing that no matter how crazy the next step might be, the outcome will be God’s best for us. 

When I chose to walk this route of holistic healing instead of conventional medicine (radiation), I truly believe that as I sat there in the radiation oncology office, no longer hearing the doctor over the roar in my ears and the spinning of the room, my hands tightly clasped in my lap and tears choking me…I was stilled inside by clarity and those four words: “Do you trust Me?”

Nineteen months later, I’m holding to the promises He’s made to me about health, healing, and the future. Still choosing life. Still confident in seeing the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living (Ps. 27:13). Proving His faithfulness to me and to my family, over and over.

It never stops. His faithfulness and unfailing love never ends.

So then…why does my confidence rely on tomorrow’s proof? Why isn’t His faithfulness in the past enough for me?

My doubt seems insignificant in comparison to the Israelites. When I read about the ways God came through for them (parting the Red Sea, saving them from slavery, sending miracle after miracle their way and leading them to the Promised Land- just to name a few!), and how they constantly forgot who God was and turned back to rebellion, I want to shake them in disbelief. “Why don’t you get it?” I want to yell at them. “God loved you so much and was so merciful to you time and time again- but you chose to worry, complain, and disobey instead!”

Then, I get a nice reality check. I’m no different in my worry, anxiety, doubt, and disobedience. I rejoice and feel so loved and blessed when He meets my needs, always right on time. But when I’m in the desert, or when it’s dark and I’m afraid to take another step further, or I sink into depression or despair because the answer (in my finite brain) is never coming…

I turn to my own strength. I strive, struggle, and lose myself in an emotional rollercoaster.

“Do you trust Me?”

Those words are true in ALL circumstances. Not just in the path I’ve been led to in my freedom from illness, but in my worry about where next month’s rent is coming from. When I stress about work. When I’m angry over situations caused by others that I internalize or take personally. When I’m feeling so beyond myself and my capabilities. When the hard times seem neverending.

He is able. That impossible thing- HE WILL DO IT. If you’re walking faithfully with Christ, day by day, then I guarantee you will see His mercy and grace. Those areas of life where you strive and struggle- give them over to a God who sees your need and knows exactly how to fulfill it. And I also guarantee that when He meets your need, many times it’s in a way that blesses you AND blesses someone else. Maybe He’s using you to encourage, reassure, or bring an answer to others through your story. You don’t know the full extent what He’s doing with your surrendered life!

For His glory, and your good. Always. Be encouraged, wherever you are at today, that your prayers are being heard, and He is answering them. 

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