“And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:7
I’ve been in crisis mode the past few days.
Cardboard boxes, clothes everywhere, plastic bins, laundry, books, furniture, a collection of giveaway bags and garbage bags…my current living situation is in upheaval, and I know it’s for the greater good! But that fact hasn’t aligned with my feelings yet.
I stress too easily.
And you would think that after everything I’ve gone through (after five years of living in actual crisis mode, forced to make decisions on a dime, not having a second to breathe before the next big thing would hit) moving to a new place is not a big deal.
So my response has surprised me. And naturally, I’m inclined to dig a little deeper to see what the actual issue could be underneath the guise of “moving stress”.
Honestly, this whole summer has been a lot of unfinished projects and pushed back deadlines. Things I thought I would have accomplished in the past three months have not had my full attention, and the idea of “failing” myself puts a weight on my shoulders. I shouldn’t worry, stress, or be anxious; but I do this to myself.
And then the whispers of the Enemy back me into a corner: “How can you help others when you’re just a mess yourself? Who are you to lead? Who do you actually think you are?”
Me. Myself. I.
And BAM. There’s my answer, loud and clear.
The moment my focus shifts from what God is doing and become obsessed with what I am doing (or not doing), the anxiety sets in. Even as I type these words, I’m reminded of Peter walking on the water toward Jesus. Confident and courageous one moment with his eyes fixed on his Savior; drowning and coughing up water the next moment when he looked at his circumstances.
Lord, forgive me. Thank You for newness and next chapters. Thank You for already making a way before I’ve even attempted to come up with a solution. Thank You for making me the way I am, but show me where I get caught up in my weaknesses instead of letting You work through them.
It’s not about perfection. It’s about learning through every single season, no matter how many times you think you’ve learned the lesson. It’s all about grace with yourself and the grace freely given by our Heavenly Father. There’s no need for stressing, striving, and overthinking when He holds tomorrow securely in His hands.
Alright then. Back to packing.