Hello, October. I have such high hopes for you.
I hope that you hold days of joy and peace. I hope you have clarity and wisdom and a clear path for me. I hope you prove to be a time of healing, even in the pain. I hope you hold such sweet moments of total rest and confidence that God is holding me, fighting for me, drawing me closer even in the midst of this confusion.
This journey is solidifying my resolve to live this life so fully and not waste time on the things that don’t matter. To invest in people, relationships, and myself. To reflect, renew vision, and really seek God for His voice in all of this. What is next? What am I being prepared for in this? Allowing myself to ask questions while facing such uncertainty and more physical pain than I’ve ever had to endure (or ever expected to have to endure!), but knowing it’s ok to ask. It’s ok to be scared. It’s ok to admit that I’m human, and I can’t do any of this alone. There is so much to research, decide on, and pray about for guidance.
In the end, though, it’s my ultimate decision. It’s my body, it’s my journey of healing that I have been forced to embark on. Everyone has an opinion, an experience, or a word that they think might help…but in the end, it’s what God is doing in my life and my story. It’s overwhelming, and I keep thinking “What if I make the wrong decision? What are the implications; the pros and cons of each option?” It’s a lot to digest, to constantly mull over in my mind.
But I have peace in it all. God really does know what He’s doing. And every day, I see His handiwork, even in the small ways that He’s revealed Himself to me. He’s right here, He hears my heart and knows what’s best…I just have to trust Him.
Thank you for all of the support and love. I am humbled, grateful and blessed by everyone who has rallied around me. I can’t say with words how much it all means to me.
“I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.” – Psalm 27:13-14